ROBERT PIERCE
• Leader & Times
The earliest memories of Presephoni Fuller’s life are marked by the dark shadow of domestic violence.
Invisible and forgotten, the call of God on her life changed everything. Born and raised in Florida, Fuller is a survivor of childhood domestic violence and has transformed a painful past into a powerful testimony.
In her new book, “Let the Daughters Speak,” Dr. Fuller shares her domestic violence story, as well as delving into the forgotten lives of the five daughters of Zelophehad chronicled in the Old Testament book of Numbers.
“If you know Jewish history, men were the only ones eligible to inherit property,” she said. “Their dad didn’t have any sons. They only had daughters. They went to Moses and said respectfully, ‘It’s not our fault he didn’t have sons. Why should our property be taken from us?’ Moses went and consulted the Lord, and he said, ‘What the daughters are saying is right.’ They set a precedent for women being able to own property and to have some leadership roles there. They made a difference, and they spoke up.”
Fuller, former pastor at Liberal’s South Church of God and a current Seward County commissioner, called the book part memoir and part thesis statement.
“It’s part of my life as a child growing up in a home with domestic violence, not necessarily a recipient of it, but watching it and hearing it, the sounds and the sights, the sirens and the hospital visits,” she said.
Fuller and her siblings, unlike many families, did not grow up together, and her mother took her own life at age 32 as a result of multiple domestic violence relationships, the last of which Fuller believes pushed her over the edge.
Fuller said as a commissioner, when she sees vendors come to meetings looking for a cereal malt beverage to sell alcohol, she votes ‘no’ because alcohol destroyed not only her immediate family, but her extended family.
“It’s a systemic problem in my family,” she said.
Fuller said as a child, her father would come home drunk, and her mother was a constant victim of domestic violence as a result, leaving her and other family members hiding from the picture the acts of violence would bring.
“I didn’t want to see it. I didn’t want to hear it,” she said. “That’s how I internalized it as a child.”
Often, Fuller said the violence included breaking glass, screaming and biting. To help with the situation, she took a class for a protective service order, but she said even that meant little, if anything, to the problem.
“The police officers knew our home address because they frequently visited there,” she said. “They would often ask my mom, ‘Why don’t you press charges?’ She was always terrified.”
In her adult life, Fuller said she now believes though her mom was not able to protect herself, she was in fact protecting her children.
“She would never file charges,” she said. “After the fighting was over, we would go to my grandmother’s house, which wasn’t far away, and we would stay until things calmed down.”
This cycle would continue to repeat itself, and Fuller included many of these experiences in her book. She said her primary goal in writing the book to help children heal from the scars left behind by domestic violence.
“This never goes away,” she said. “If He allows me to live past 90, I will always remember the sights and the sounds.”
Spurred by a dream in 2010 to start a non-profit for children who suffer from domestic violence, Fuller wanted to honor her mother. Sylvia’s Fragrance of Hope debuted with the publication of “Let the Daughters Speak.”
Fuller said she spoke with Liberal Area Rape Crisis/Domestic Violence Services Director Lori Hensley about how the issue domestic violence is often focused on adults, but research shows children are underserved when it comes to the problem.
“I’m hoping we will get better,” Fuller said.
As part of her thesis statement to get her master’s degree, Fuller said she too has always had a question about women in ministry.
“Even coming from a dysfunctional family, at age 15, the Lord called me to the gospel ministry,” she said. “I didn’t see a lot of women in ministry, and that really bothered me. It still bothers me to this day. Out of that, my thesis was written on why are women unwelcome, unwanted and uninvited and the struggles women face in ministry and the barriers they overcome.”
This, Fuller said, left women not only overcoming the barrier of domestic violence, but the barriers in many occupations.
“It’s almost laughable to some, but God created us equal,” she said. “He created us as one, and Joel says ‘In the last days, I will pour out My spirit on all flesh, and your sons and your daughters shall prophecy.’ At the birth of a church in Acts, Peter stood up and said this prophecy is being fulfilled that was spoken by Joel.”
Fuller included research on some noted writers were included in the book, and she highlighted some of these in particular to help people understand the greater debt of women in ministry and how the Scripture cannot be structured to mean what people want it to mean.
“It has to mean what God wants it to mean, and you have to know the audience, what’s going on, why things are being said before you start a doctrine on women should not be preachers,” she said.
Fuller is not alone in this fight, as many women are sitting on the back burner for all that is available for them.
“There’s so much opportunity for them if they will come to the kingdom of God for such a time as this,” she said. “Esther came in her situation, and her uncle Mordecai said, ‘If you sit back, God’s going to raise up someone else.’”
Fuller likewise includes the stories of leading women in the Bible, and she credits Angela Welch Prusia and former KJIL employee Chayli Duerson for making the possible.
“This is a 13-month project,” Fuller said. “This definitely didn’t happen overnight.”
Fuller too credits a group of readers for helping her clean up the book’s text, and thus far, she has mailed books to Texas, Georgia, Kansas, Florida, North Carolina, Missouri and Pennsylvania.
Fuller found in her research, less than 40 percent of pastors actually talk about domestic violence, and with much of the issue happening in churches, more need to speak on the problem.
“You don’t have to sit in the back of the church,” she said. “If you look at our churches, 80 percent of our churches are filled with women, yet 80 percent of our churches are not led by women.”
The story of Adam and Even can be found in the book of Genesis, and Fuller said many Christians take the story out of context.
“When they say God created Adam, and then He created Eve, but He created them together with His one spirit,” she said. “He blew the breath of them, and man and woman became a living being. When I look at that text, I say ‘God You made Adam from the dirt, but You pulled Eve out of side of him.’ She was like a step up, but they were still created in the image of God not to compete each other, but to complement each other. There’s a lot to be said about that.”
Fuller said sharing her story was traumatic because she had to remember many of her experiences from childhood, and this left her crying during many parts of the writing process.
“It never goes away,” she said. “I had to call my brother, and he helped me remember some of the things. There are multiple suicides in my family – my mother, my uncle – and remembering all of those things, remembering all of the words we called, remembering all the negative things that were said and none of us wanting us.”
With Sylvia’s Fragrance of Hope, Fuller hopes to give children of domestic violence something they can truly call their own.
“Growing up, we always wore hand-me-downs,” she said. “Nothing belonged to us. It always came from somewhere else. We’re trying to get some sponsorship, and one of the things we’re doing is our goal is to have placement of those boxes in different places to help our children – positive affirmations, coloring books, puzzles to put together, something to get their mind off of the trauma they just witnessed or saw. I’ve volunteered at homeless shelters.”
Fuller has volunteered at domestic violence shelters such as LARC/DVS, and while these shelters typically have a children’s area, children are not given something to take with them that belongs to them.
Through Sylvia’s Fragrance of Hope, Fuller said she believes churches, first responders, hospitals, the judicial system and the educational system can come together to solve the seemingly never-ending crisis of domestic violence for not only adults, but also children.
“If our children don’t get help, they themselves become abusers, and it’s generational,” she said. “We have to break the generational cycle.”
Fuller called domestic violence the silent killer because few, if any, people want to get involved with it, and often by the time someone gets involved, it is too late.
Fuller said the hope in Sylvia’s Fragrance of Hope is an anagram, with the ‘h’ standing for healthy relationships, and the ‘o’ for opportunities to blossom, the ‘p’ for physical health and ‘e’ for emotional health each have special meanings.
“Opportunities to blossom means to help people reach their greatest potential and know they are valuable and they are important,” she said. “‘P’ is for physical health. We’ll have a walk during the summer. We’ll have something else going on in October. The ‘E’ is for emotional health. Emotionally, people are still trying to heal. That will never go away. Our goal is to provide hope, healing and comfort for our children.”
Fuller encourages others to tell their stories of domestic violence, and just as “Let the Daughters Speak” has a messy story, theirs will be, too.
“My life was a mess until I found Jesus Christ,” she said. “He wasn’t lost. I was the one who was lost. It’s not going to be perfect. Get some help if you don’t have help. I got help. It’s not going to be overnight. It might not be a best seller, but you’ll get your story out.”
Though a child of domestic violence, now as an adult, Fuller said she is grateful for the Lord helping her with her accomplishments as a licensed realtor, author, pastor and county commissioner. She is also grateful for the opportunity to share her story.
Fuller said a person’s past does not define their future.
“Only God does that,” she said. “We can’t live in the past. We’ve got to live in the present, and we can only do that with God. He is the healer. Alcohol’s not going to do it. Drugs are not going to do it. Women are not going to do it. Money’s not going to do it. A career’s not going to do it. The only thing that’s going to heal us is our relationship with the Lord Jesus Christ.”
Fuller likewise said forgiveness is never about the other person.
“It’s always about you, and I have lived my life not holding on to grudges,” she said. “I don’t want anything to hinder my prayers.”
Fuller said there is life after facing and seeing events such as domestic violence, suicide, alcoholism and murder played out before a person’s eyes.
“That’s my story,” she said. “That’s my family’s story, but domestic violence is what I want to highlight.”
Fuller said having conversations with experts about how to help children better heal from domestic violence is another step in stopping the problem. As for her she credits her home church in Jacksonville, Fla., with saving her life.
“There was a time I just wanted to end my life,” she said. “I was 17 years old, getting ready to graduate from high school, and I was standing on a bridge. I said I’m not going to do what my mom did. I stood there for about 30 minutes looking at that water. I don’t know whether I was scared, but I didn’t have the strength to do it. I just thought about my grandmother. I said I cannot put my grandmother through this again.”
Fuller said she does not consider herself a survivor.
“I’m thriving because of the grace of God, because of the amazing family I have and because of an opportunity to serve in this community in the way I have,” she said.
“Let the Daughters Speak” is available on Amazon in both Kindle and paperback, and all proceeds go to help support Sylvia’s Fragrance of Hope.
