ELLY GRIMM
• Leader & Times
Living in a household where domestic violence is prevalent can leave lasting scars on everyone involved, particularly children. Soon, a local group looks to help with just that.
The first ever Sylvia's Fragrance of Hope Benefit Gala will be from 6 to 8 p.m. Saturday, Oct. 4 at Seward County Community College in Room SW229 C/D, and that evening's keynote speaker will be Adrian Jackson, who is the vice president of Homelife, Cal Farley's Boys Ranch. Tickets are $35, and people can purchase them online through the Sylvia's Fragrance of Hope Facebook page, which takes them to the main Web site, https://www.sylviasfragranceofhope.org/, and people can also purchase tickets there.
“Sylvia's Fragrance of Hope is my non-profit named after my mother, who took her own life when I was young after many years of abuse and other issues in her life,” coordinator Presephoni Fuller said. “We want to bring awareness to childhood domestic violence and how it can cause major issues later in life. The goal of the gala is to introduce this non-profit and give some information and statistics can be affected by that type of trauma. October is not only Breast Cancer Awareness Month, it's also Domestic Violence Awareness Month, and I hope a lot of people can come out that evening and hear everything we have to say. I've always had a dream to have a non-profit like this, and back in 2010, when I was in Georgia working with the Georgia Coalition Against Domestic Violence, and we helped host similar events for empowerment and community strengthening/healing. I've always been all about community involvement, that's always how I've been. There was one day I was telling a friend my story and she said 'I want to help you,' so I told her about my desire to have an event like this. That was also around when I started planning Sylvia's Fragrance of Hope, and that took me back to when I was in college and in chemistry class – when a chemist makes a perfume, they have the opportunity to use all kinds of scents and chemicals and all of that, and to me, hope has a scent. That scent includes teachers, advocates, the judicial system and other people to help protect children.”
Fuller said the cause is near and dear to her.
“Children are greatly underserved in this area, and statistics show 5 million children in the U.S. a year will witness abuse or be abused themselves – that's way, way too many children, and I can't imagine what the statistics would be worldwide,” Fuller said. “Many millions of adults say they grew up living with domestic violence, and I'm among that number. For those who don't know my story, I saw alcohol and domestic violence destroy so much of my family, including my mother, my father, my stepfather, my grandfather, several aunts and uncles and cousins, among many others, so I've lived through this myself. I remember very clearly from my childhood with my mother, if dinner wasn't hot, that earned her a beating, or if something was out of place, or if she didn't get him a drink fast enough. I remember how awful it was seeing my mother beaten so badly. And law enforcement knew our address – anytime there was a call to 2018 Benedict Road in Jacksonville, Fla., they knew it was a domestic situation, and told her multiple times 'All you have to do is press charges.' But she knew that was going to be only a temporary solution and once he got out, that would cause an even worse beating. Often, Mom would hide and sleep in the cemetery because that was her place of peace due to the excessive abuse she suffered. She was thinking about me and my siblings and when she wrote her suicide note, she included who she wanted us to live with – that's how badly she wanted us out of that situation.”
That night, Fuller said, was when her mother committed suicide.
“She called a taxi, and she asked the driver to let her out by a bridge. After he pulled off the road, my mother committed suicide by jumping off the bridge into that lake. Some fishermen were out, and they were the ones who saw her floating body. They rescued her and took her to the hospital, but there was too much water in her lungs, so she didn't make it,” Fuller said. “Then, at about 2 or 3 a.m., my uncle Walter came and said 'I have to tell you guys something – your mother is at the hospital, and she might not live to see the morning.' I was only 12 at this time, my brothers were 16 and 10, and my sister was only 8, and none of us were fully comprehending what was going on. That trauma was so hard on me, there's not much I remember from that period of my life, but I can remember that night moment by moment in crystal clear detail. I spent some time in therapy, but there are still triggers I deal with in my life even all these years later. My mother was an adult and unable to deal with her situation, so people can only imagine what her children went through. I remember telling someone who works in the judicial system one time 'If we don't get in front of this now, we're going to have to get behind it later, and that helps no one.'”
While there is a lot of focus is on adults who deal with domestic violence, Fuller said there needs to be much more focus on children in those situations.
“Statistics show children who grow up in a domestic violence situation are six times more likely to commit suicide, 50 percent more likely to abuse drugs and alcohol, 74 percent more likely to commit violent crime, and three times more likely to repeat the cycle of abuse into adulthood,” Fuller said. “There was one time I was talking with a local therapist and they recommended a book called 'It Didn't Start with You: How Inherited Family Trauma Shapes Who We Are and How to End the Cycle' by Mark Wolynn, and it's all about generational trauma and how it can happen and how it gets perpetuated. We want people to come out and shine a light and let victims know we're here for them. We'll also be giving out information to the community, and we want everyone to know we're here for them. I know it can be tricky and risky getting involved in other people's lives, but if you know something is going on, PLEASE do something, because violence is never the answer, and you could be saving that person's life. I'm passionate about this because I grew up with it, and I want to help as many children as possible. By the grace of God, I'm here and able to do so, and I want to help be that support mechanism. With that in mind, I'm hoping to help create Hope Bags that include comfort items so the children know that bag is something that belongs to them. Often, children in domestic violence situations are children who receive hand-me-downs, are unloved and are isolated, which could lead to them becoming victims again – that's why, when we had the boutique at the church, I was very particular about what people could donate, because these were people looking for a fresh start, and they didn't deserve stained and ripped clothes to make that happen. This gala is to also help raise funds to put those bags together to help children who are in those situations.”
With this being the gala’s inaugural year, Fuller said she hopes to see high turnout.
“I want to encourage people to come out and support us, because this is a VERY worthy cause. We'll be giving out some door prizes, our keynote speaker will be amazing, and the meal will also be delicious,” Fuller said. “This is a great way to help pour into children's lives and help them escape a situation they had absolutely no hand in starting. It's going to be an overall wonderful night, and we want everyone to come out and support this cause. There are a few other events we're planning for the future, and we hope to see people out at those events as well when they come up. People can follow our Facebook page for further information, and we're also looking for a couple more board members who are also passionate about helping children and helping with healing from domestic violence. We've already gotten quite a bit of community support, which I can't be grateful enough for, and everyone's been so gracious. I also have a book out titled 'Let the Daughters Speak,' which is part memoir and part advice of being a good leader, whether it's with the ministry or another facet of life, and the proceeds from that book are also going to Sylvia's Fragrance of Hope. Please come out and support the gala, it's going to be a wonderful night for a great cause.”
